A great orgy is the very definition of hedonistic heaven. Nothing else comes even close. Maybe not everyone is ready for it, but it sure is or has been on everyone’s fantasy list.
Not every orgy is a great orgy though. It can be awkward, uncomfortable, and outright unsexy if done wrong. If done right, it can be a rewarding, exciting, fulfilling experience unlike any other.
So, what makes the difference? Here’s your detailed guide on how to organize one yourself.
The Anatomy of a Great Orgy
The first thing you need to decide on is the venue. There are three possibilities: your home, a hotel room, or a sex club. While the last one seems like an obvious and easy choice, it’s really not that simple. Yes, sex clubs can be fun if you are with the right crowd, and they are a good place to meet new people, but to be honest, the overall experience is rarely good. While you can choose who you play with, you can’t choose who is around you. There’s also something sterile about the playrooms and their “airport lounge meets Sleep Country showroom” aesthetic.
That’s why my preferred choices are home parties or hotels. The same concepts would apply for both, it should simply be a matter of personal preference and convenience.
Make sure that the atmosphere is inviting, warm, dark, exciting. Throw some pillows around the room, to give people a chance to sit (and play) anywhere. If you have any erotic artwork, put it on display. Remove any of the banalities of daily life – newspapers, random chargers, your pet’s bed.
When setting up the space, you have to consider the three segments of the event – the meet, the play, the break.
The meet area is where you set up your food and drinks station. Separate from the play area (and preferably not too close, you don’t want food crumbs stuck to your butt). This is where people first interact, where they get to know each other. It should be informal, relaxed, casual. Drinks and finger foods (more on that later in the article).
The play area is where the main event happens. You should set the furniture while keeping two things in mind – at any point during the night, some people will play, while others will watch. A great orgy is the perfect symbiosis of an exhibitionistic and a voyeuristic experience. Set up in a way that provides a great experience and vantage points for both.
The break area is where people go when they are done, or when they need a longer break. It can be the food station, but it’s best if it can be in a separate room, where people can take a complete break from the party. As far as sexual experiences go, an orgy is the most intense of all, and it’s an overwhelming emotional experience as well. Even people with extensive experience often need a break and reset.
You need to create the right mood for everyone present, and nothing affects the mood like lights and music.
The lights need to be subdued. Bright enough so people can enjoy seeing the action, but also dark enough so that it doesn’t feel like being on a stage. It’s a fine balance and it’s best achieved with the help of decorative lamps and candles. The flickering reflection of the candlelight off of someone’s naked body is damn sexy.
Music affects the mood drastically, so be careful what’s on your playlist. If you want a classy affair, then go for sensual, but intense music, instrumental, rhythmic (think Massive Attack, Depeche Mode, Kygo). You don’t want anything that’s too fast – it will affect the rhythm of the sexual activities, nor something too slow – as it will mellow down the mood.
Sex gets people hungry. Sex with a lot of people gets people very hungry.
Since you need the atmosphere to be casual, you shouldn’t serve full meals. Finger foods are great. Make it fancy. Great options include oysters, shrimp, foie-gras, charcuterie. Avoid things that are too messy.
Make sure that people have the ability to wash their hands after eating. Cheese fingers in a vagina is not a good idea.
Everyone has their own preferences, but for a great orgy, I believe that you should start with artisanal cocktails. It gives off the right vibe, it gets people talking, it sets them on the path of hedonistic pleasure. After that, move on to wine. I know many people prefer beer to wine, but do you really want to be bloated and pee every 15 minutes during a mind-blowing sex event? I don’t think so. Stick to wine and pace yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being buzzed, but there’s nothing worse than having that one drunk person in the group that is out of control, while the others are trying to have fun.
When having a group experience, everyone must be absolutely respectful of everyone else’s wishes and barriers, so getting drunk is not really helpful.
Buy lots of small bottles of water and have them at hand. Sex makes people thirsty.
Bring out the toys! Whatever toys you may have – vibrators, cock-rings, anal plugs, ropes, hand-cuffs, gag-balls, whips… bring them out. Lay them out in plain view in the play area.
They serve two purposes. One, they are a talking point and a great transition between the meet and play phases. Two, they are a great addition to the sexual adventure that awaits you.
Condoms & Lube
Even if you play bareback with your own partner, make sure that during an orgy you use condoms. Always. No exception. Ask beforehand if anyone has latex allergy (more common than you might think) and accommodate by using non-latex condoms, which are widely available. Always change condoms when switching a partner. Play it absolutely safe, for yours and for the sake of others. Have plenty of lube. As exciting as an orgy can be, the adrenaline rush may cause a need for extra lubrication.
Ideally, you would have several small baskets, strategically placed around the play area, filled with condoms and lube, so that at any given time, people can simply reach out and grab one.
The not so sexy stuff
An orgy is a very sexy thing. No doubt about it. Having 12 people involved in any intimate activity also has elements that are not so sexy.
At the end of the night, there will be a couple of dozen used condoms all over the room, lube all over the furniture, squirt on the floor. That is – if you don’t plan things right. Always prepare for these things. Have several small garbage baskets around the room. Have plenty of paper tissue. Paper towels (squirt lovers know what I’m talking about). Waterproof sheets. Baby wipes. Always, and I mean always, have a lot of towels at hand (at least 2 per person).
The main ingredient
You have the space sorted out. You have the food, the drinks, and the music in place. You prepared the condoms and the lube, and every possible mess precaution is in place. All you need now is the main ingredient of a great orgy – the people!
How does one select the right people to have an orgy with? It’s the million-dollar question.
In my experience, it’s best to have three types of attendees.
First – people you have played with before. People you’ve met at a sex club, or had a threesome/foursome with. You know you vibe well with them, you have experience, you know what they like. You also know that you will have play partners for the night, no matter what. I would say at least 40% of the attendees should fall in this group.
Second, people brought by the people you have played with before. You don’t know them, but they do, they vouch for them, they know they’ll be a good fit for the group. Another 40% of the attendees.
Third, new members of the tribe. These are people you haven’t played with before, but you’ve met via dating apps, or in person before. You like their vibe, but you don’t know what a sexual experience is like with them. Ideally, one or max two couples per event, more than that would disturb the balance.
In my experience, an ideal number for a decent orgy is around 12 people. Not too many to create a crazy party feeling, not too few so that there’s no variety of experiences for everyone. Always invite a few more people than your ideal number, as it’s almost guaranteed that some won’t show up, or some will leave after the meet&greet part.
Talk to every attendee beforehand. Ask about their preferences. Are they heterosexual, heteroflexible, bisexual, gay? What is completely off-limits for them? It’s important to know these things, it will help you navigate the event better.
On the night of
Don’t rush it! Spend some time socializing. Have a couple of drinks, chat, get to know each other. Feel each other’s vibe, energy. Flirt. Flirt!
Only when you can sense that everyone is feeling good, it’s time to move on to the next phase.
It’s often difficult to transition from having a casual chat with someone to the “let’s fuck” stage of the orgy. It should be done carefully, as it may feel forced. If people are not ready yet, it can ruin an evening, no matter how much everyone is looking forward to it. Too early and people are not ready, therefore not in the right mood. Too late, everyone lost their energy and the excitement is gone. Timing is everything.
There are plenty of openers. Some are classic, like a good ole middle-school spin-the-bottle game, truth-or-dare, or anything similar. If you opt for games, make sure it’s something simple, with almost no rules – you want people to focus on the sexiness of others, not on the rules of the game.
My preferred opener though is a demonstration of a sex toy. Pick your favourite toy and offer to do a demonstration of it with your partner. Put on a little show for everyone. It is guaranteed to get everyone excited and in the right mood. As you start playing with the toy on your partner, invite a “member of the audience” to partake. And then leave it to the universe to guide everyone else to delicious nakedness.
Being a host for a great orgy is not an easy task. Not only do you need to prepare everything, not only do you need to organize an amazing group of people, but you also need to make sure that everything runs smoothly. At the beginning of the evening, make sure that you introduce everyone to everyone else. I’m not talking about a simple introduction, but a genuine conversation. Make sure to build those connections, as that will make for a better experience later in the evening.
During the main event, make sure that no one is neglected, no one is tossed aside. It’s really easy to let that happen. People are focused on their pleasure and with all the bodies around them, they may easily make someone feel neglected.
Guide everyone’s experience. You are a director of a great show. If you see that things are toning down, insert yourself in the situation and revive the energy. Keep things going for as long as it feels good. If someone feels overwhelmed, take them aside and help them feel good.
The best sign of a great orgy is when people want a repeat. A few days after the party, reach out to everyone that was present and ask for feedback. Maybe there was something you’ve missed, maybe there’s something that can be done better the next time.
More importantly, make sure that everyone was ok with everyone else. If several people voice a complaint about a certain person, at the very least you should have a frank conversation with that person, or at worst, eliminate them altogether from future parties. You want people to feel secure, inspired, sexy – if anyone is making them feel otherwise, they have no place in an orgy.
There you have it. The Anatomy of a Great Orgy. It’s an experience like no other. It’s the stuff fantasies are made of. It’s rewarding and exhilarating. If you have any questions when organizing your next one, message me, I will gladly guide you through it.