To love life, you need to love yourself. There’s no better expression of self-love than masturbation. It is the most natural, personal, and intimate delivery of pleasure. 

It’s a physical experience. 

Your hands are involved (even when using toys). Your erogenous zones are physically stimulated. You control the intensity, the speed. You can prolong it as much as you want to, or make it as fast as you choose to. You can repeat it for as long as you have the strength. You are in absolute control. There’s no need to accommodate your partner’s physical needs or their particular taste. It’s all about you. 

It’s an emotional experience. 

Your physical actions during masturbation bring you pleasure. There’s pleasure in the act itself, in the process of doing it. There’s a pleasure at the culmination, in the orgasm and the chemical reaction it creates in your brain and body. It is satisfying, makes you feel good. It allows you to wander off in your thoughts, to explore any and every sexual fantasy you have. Things that you wouldn’t even admit to in real life, are all allowed and present in your head during the act. Whether you use the aid of sex toys and pornography, or you are alone with your own fantasies – it doesn’t matter. 

Masturbation should not be seen as a substitute for sex. 

Sometimes it can be a welcome relief if we are going through a sexless phase, but otherwise, it should be seen as an act on its own, as something that we do intentionally for ourselves. That is important from several aspects. First, as something that brings us pleasure. As such, it should be practiced often, because it contributes to us feeling good. Second, as something that allows us to learn more about ourselves. 

Pay attention to what excites you.

Don’t rush towards the end, but explore the process. You can learn so many things about yourself that way. On a physical level – you can learn what spots you react to, what intensity works best for you, what you don’t like, what gets you going too fast, etc. On a mental level – you will learn what excites you and then you can try and replicate it with a partner. Many things excite us that we are hesitant to explore in real life, so we let them exist only in fantasies and porn. Why? Why not try to explore your own kinks and fetishes? Why live a life void of things that bring you pleasure? Masturbation allows you to explore mentally and see what excites you, but if you truly want that experience, you should do everything possible to make it happen. 

People are hesitant to explore their kinks.

Most of the time that’s because they are afraid that their partner won’t agree. True, often people are coupled with someone who does not share their sexual interests. But, most of the time it’s their own fault. When they start a relationship, they don’t want to be seen as “sex freaks”, so they tone down their desires. Then, years later, they are miserable because they feel that their partner is not on the same page, has lost interest, is not sharing their kinks. Of course not – and you can’t blame them, they never did, you are the one that faked yours. Be who you are to attract like-minded people. 

If you have kinks, be open about it. 

It may limit your dating prospects and make it more difficult to find a partner, but it’s worth it. Is it better to wait longer for someone who shares your interests, or to quickly find someone who doesn’t? Sometimes people change over time. Kinkiness may increase in one partner, while it may decrease in the other. If that problem occurs, don’t let it linger for too long. Talk with your partner, try to understand each other. Try to explain what’s important to you, and understand what’s important to them. 

If we are more accepting towards masturbation and see it as an act of intimacy and pleasure, instead of something shameful that should not be discussed, we’ll be more aware of our own sexual desires and kinks, more aware of their importance in our lives and we’ll be more willing to discuss them openly and without shame. If we do that – we will be able to find our true match, instead of living a life of unfulfilled desires.